No Matter What..He'll Always be My Father

    "I hate him!"  Well all that's about to change. The shocking news (which was wrong) that I got last Saturday night sent shivers down my spine making me tremble and cry in the public bus station. Manang Claire happened to be the angel God sent for me to give me the comfort I needed at the hour. For a couple of seconds there, I was surprised to actually realize that I CARED about papa. No matter how much of an ass he's been my entire life, papa somehow played that part in my life (like the bad father) whom no one else can take.. No matter the title I give him, either the "Bad father," "Unloving father," or even the "Ungodly father," the word FATHER will always be there… He, whether I like it or not, will always be my father.

     On our way to Pangsilathong, my mind just wandered why God's showering us with trials instead of blessings. But I'll never forget that moment at the bus. First I thought about Duke, he was my "Dog-brother" and I still find it painful to think of him dying at the arms of Chai and Mum, as how my subconscious mind pictured it. Then there's Chai who probably thought he was impotent because of how depressing his life might have been taking care of his "mini-store." The thought of him becoming a father is just plain depressing >_<. And now this...Papa crashing his motorbike on a prime mover truck. I wonder what he was thinking when the accident happened. According to my subconscious idea, the light that blinded him must've been God scolding him, "What you're doing to your  family, you're doing to Me!! You need some chastening my dear son!" and then BAM!!... Like a rag doll hit with a baseball bat.           

     And for our part, God probably wanted to give us a taste of what it'd be like to lose him. Well, "almost" losing him was painful enough. Even just seeing him in his sitch made us all cry. Although my mind wouldn't stop asking, "Why the hell would he be fixing some stupid motorcycle at 3am??" (irrational!) Mom told me to just accept whatever reasons he's telling us to simply not make things even more complicated. *Sigh* still, I feel so sorry for what he's going through right now. When I talked to him last 2 nights ago, I found it really awkward since we never talk. I'm sure the feeling was mutual. But that was God's way of making us show him that we still cared for him no matter what.

    Over-all, I'm really thankful God allowed this to happen. The things that we never do with each other as a family are happening now because of this circumstance. We still pray for the best out of this trial. And my prayer? That this would be a turning point for my dad's spiritual and emotional life. I know he needs this, and we just have to cooperate and do our part as a family.

    And just knowing that like, the entire Christian community is praying for him and for us is just so OVERWHELMING!!! God works in ways we may never understand, but when we simply TRUST Him, they actually make sense :)

Frustrations in Life

              This school year’s about to end. Out of the depths of my heart, i conclude therefore that i have never seen students as disrespectful as the Thai high school kids. I have just been from the most evil(est) class in the first year level and it has left me awed not at how stubborn and disrespectful they are but how the Lord stopped me from shouting curses, throwing armchairs at them, hitting them with my boney knuckles right on their noses, or just slapping them with whatever i could grab a hold on.. *heavy sigh!!!* i’m tired. i’ve been led to question God why He brought me here, what His plan is, or if His purpose for me here was accomplished.. I’ll never forget last August when i just locked myself up in my bedroom, fell flat on my face and just cried like a baby asking Him why and just begging Him for “more grace” after a very long day with some wicked students and destructive criticism from a colleague.. i honestly would’ve quit by then. After half an hour of crying and just pouring my heart out to Him, i played one of my favorite songs by the Heritage Singers, “Through the Fire,” which only had me crying some more.. So that was like, 5 months ago. In other words, God’s grace was indeed sufficient! I’m still here teaching and able to put up with the world’s worst students’ crap. The fact that i cannot yet speak their language gives me an excuse for not being able to share the gospel. However, God has given me life! and that leaves me with the task to share the gospel through my lifestyle.. Though these badass hard core gnarly students piss me off on purpose, i still hope i made a difference, that unlike the rest of the teachers, i don’t hit them on the head (it’s what thai teachers do), slap them with books on their backs, or anything like that. Instead, God has filled me with grace to smile at them, hold my flaring temper, and just move on to teaching them English though most of them (if not all), doesn’t care whatever the hell i’m saying or writing on the board.. It’s been a tough year for me, but somehow i wanna spend another year in this country after which i’ll be settling in Pinas to teach Values Education (which is really what i want), or if not, have a chance to go somewhere else.. I’m just really frustrated right now, but taking everything to the Lord just gave me a bit of a relief knowing that i was able to finish that class and later i’m gonna go home and eat another gallon of ice cream! whoooo!! *smiles* Thank U Jesus!

Invest in the Life of a Bible School Student

I saw them struggle and was tempted to question God(really, i did).."Lord, why do these people have to struggle in terms of finances??" i questioned Him a couple of times.. YET when HE answered me, i was swept off my feet and even found myself embarassed at how little my faith was compared to the lives of the people i saw struggling and used to deliberately question the ONE i called my PROVIDER..

I am writing this with the intention of challenging you to take on the ONE you also claim to be your Provider, and to experience the joy of being a blessing by INVESTING IN THE LIFE OF A BIBLE SCHOOL STUDENT (words of Sir Doug;-)... 

....here are STORIES OF LIVES that became my inspiration throughout my stay in the Seminary and whom the Lord used to answer some of my deepest questions which i never shared with anybody else while in the Seminary.. hope you'll be blessed and challenged..

...She sat beside me with tears welling up her eyes as she said, "i might not be able to return next semester..i cant pay my back accounts.." i just sat there, helpless as i promised i'd help her pray..

...another friend placed half of her meal in her lunchbox... i thought she was going to feed the flock of cats outside our dormitory.. but i was wrong.. she said it was for a friend who could no longer eat at the dining hall because of unpaid dining hall bills.. i told myself, "i've never thought of doing that to anybody around here.." shame on me..

...next was a close friend who was packing up her things.. i asked her where she was headed.. she said she was going to 'look' for a job to help support her sibling and herself and be able to pay the back accounts.. i obviously couldn't stop her.. although i tried to..

....he was sitting on a bench by himself with a promissory note in his hand..said he was too scared to hand it over to the president.. but he had to in order to take the exam.. he was just waiting for the 'right timing.'... i had to give him a pat on the back to boost up his confidence a bit..

....she approached me boldly and asked if she could do some of the laundry for me and said it'll be cheaper than the laundry shop outside of the school.. i was really impressed at how she so willingly did what she could just to help herself out financially.. and that girl showed me what faith at work really meant.. 

... these people are my heroes of faith ;-)

here's the other side of the stories...

a couple of the faculty and staff opened their own homes for some who couldn't eat at the dining hall.. some willingly paid for their dining hall bills... some gave anonymously... one faculty came up with scholarship organizations and even individual supporters.. the institution does not profit for itself. in fact it moves out of its way and does its best to help the students in pursuing their studies and and prepare them for the ministries they're headed to..

...these are real-life stories that led me to question God......and yet led me to tears when these people stood in front of the student body during our testimony time in the chapel and gave their moving testimonies at how the Lord provided their every need... these people have now graduated and are now in the ministries they have been called to.. i have to admit... i shrink everytime i remember how big their faith was- and how RICH their,and my, Provider is..


... i cannot boast of myself of having received my degree in Bachelor of Theology in BBSI.. only by the grace of God had i made it through the scholarship grants i have been blessed with... 

.. "Invest in the Life of a Bible School Student, as its value is eternal and see how the Lord will pay you back.." these are the words i heard a thousand times from my mentor everytime we went to different churches for school promotion and ministry.. 


...why does the Lord allow such to happen to those who had answered His call? because these people exemplify faith tremendously like no other.. and it is through these people that the Lord's glory shines brighter.. they make God famous in their predicaments..and not just when the blessings are flowing..

Ephesians 2:10- "you are God's workmanship created to do good works.." well He wants to bless you and it's amazing how He provides ways for you to do good works to be blessed!!
invest in the life of a Bible School student, you'll never know--- that life, that soon-to-become- minister, will change thousands of lives for Jesus... be a part of it!!! ;-) support a Bible school student! ;-)

Pagkagraduate ng Isang Seminarian

"I give thanks to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, appointing me to the ministry." I Timothy 1:12 

I take refuge in this passage. It is indeed only by the grace of God that He considered me faithful enough to be appointed to the ministry. And my heart swells in gratefulness for what He has been enabling me to do. 
After graduating at BBSI last March 2009, the Lord led me to my homechurch, Heritage Baptist Church, here in Bukidnon. Though serving as a volunteer, the Lord opened doors of opportunities for me to serve as a Highschool Sundayschool teacher and Choir Director. It was quite a struggle at first. Being away for almost 5 years, i no longer felt the attachment i once had with the church people. almost everyone were new, and i felt my biggest weakness starting to creep in- the giant of intimidation. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity bothered me at times, but with constant devotion, the Lord reminded me that He was with me all along.One morning, I somehow found myself rummaging at my old school textbooks and syllabi. I knew i had been trained and equipped for the ministry, but i struggled with putting it all into application. I was finally awakened to the reality that this was it- the real test. This is what i have been trained for, but deeper than that, i realized that i have also been trained to be fully dependent to the One who has called me- the Lord. This really isn't about me, this is, after all, HIS work. With guidance from some of our church workers, the Lord saw me through it. And the words of one of my mentors in BBSI came into picture- the MINISTRY IS PEOPLE. But like a rollercoaster, my life as a church worker had its ups and downs, too. The people sometimes put me down, like there are times when i feel like blaming them for the failure of the church ministries. For instance, the church choir was going nowhere. They had no commitment to practice on saturday nights. They practiced only whenever they felt like it. And it was the same with all the other ministries. Strangely, i still loved what i was doing despite the sight of my efforts going nowhere. But like what one of my teachers said, "If the Lord has called you to the ministry, He has not called you to be a success in it but to be faithful." Through the thickest and 'sickest' trials in it. Sometimes i find myself searching for answers- why, Lord? What is wrong with these people? And so much more. Most of the times i don't find any logical solutions, but the truth remains that the Lord won't always give you the answers you want to know. All He simply wants us to do is TRUST. If you are a hundred percent of the Lord's calling, then you believe that His grace is sufficient enough to help you go through anything. 
In the last 5 years that I have been trained and equipped in BBSI, i realized that only the academic world ends after graduating. But the learning process in life and the ministry continue even after that. Inside the Seminary we study about the common church problems, formulate solutions, and even argue on rationalities. Most of the times we always come up with the best solutions, and truth be told, credit is always given to those blessed with the beautiful mind, or in other words, the winning side of a debate. But let's face it- only when you are in the ministry does the real test happen. All those formulated solutions do not make sense when not put into application. It's not about who received the most prestigious awards during the graduation or who made history in BBSI or whatever. It's the choices that you make when you are in the ministry- the life application of every lesson learned from the training ground that prepared you for what the Lord has called you for.