No Matter What..He'll Always be My Father

    "I hate him!"  Well all that's about to change. The shocking news (which was wrong) that I got last Saturday night sent shivers down my spine making me tremble and cry in the public bus station. Manang Claire happened to be the angel God sent for me to give me the comfort I needed at the hour. For a couple of seconds there, I was surprised to actually realize that I CARED about papa. No matter how much of an ass he's been my entire life, papa somehow played that part in my life (like the bad father) whom no one else can take.. No matter the title I give him, either the "Bad father," "Unloving father," or even the "Ungodly father," the word FATHER will always be there… He, whether I like it or not, will always be my father.

     On our way to Pangsilathong, my mind just wandered why God's showering us with trials instead of blessings. But I'll never forget that moment at the bus. First I thought about Duke, he was my "Dog-brother" and I still find it painful to think of him dying at the arms of Chai and Mum, as how my subconscious mind pictured it. Then there's Chai who probably thought he was impotent because of how depressing his life might have been taking care of his "mini-store." The thought of him becoming a father is just plain depressing >_<. And now this...Papa crashing his motorbike on a prime mover truck. I wonder what he was thinking when the accident happened. According to my subconscious idea, the light that blinded him must've been God scolding him, "What you're doing to your  family, you're doing to Me!! You need some chastening my dear son!" and then BAM!!... Like a rag doll hit with a baseball bat.           

     And for our part, God probably wanted to give us a taste of what it'd be like to lose him. Well, "almost" losing him was painful enough. Even just seeing him in his sitch made us all cry. Although my mind wouldn't stop asking, "Why the hell would he be fixing some stupid motorcycle at 3am??" (irrational!) Mom told me to just accept whatever reasons he's telling us to simply not make things even more complicated. *Sigh* still, I feel so sorry for what he's going through right now. When I talked to him last 2 nights ago, I found it really awkward since we never talk. I'm sure the feeling was mutual. But that was God's way of making us show him that we still cared for him no matter what.

    Over-all, I'm really thankful God allowed this to happen. The things that we never do with each other as a family are happening now because of this circumstance. We still pray for the best out of this trial. And my prayer? That this would be a turning point for my dad's spiritual and emotional life. I know he needs this, and we just have to cooperate and do our part as a family.

    And just knowing that like, the entire Christian community is praying for him and for us is just so OVERWHELMING!!! God works in ways we may never understand, but when we simply TRUST Him, they actually make sense :)

Frustrations in Life

              This school year’s about to end. Out of the depths of my heart, i conclude therefore that i have never seen students as disrespectful as the Thai high school kids. I have just been from the most evil(est) class in the first year level and it has left me awed not at how stubborn and disrespectful they are but how the Lord stopped me from shouting curses, throwing armchairs at them, hitting them with my boney knuckles right on their noses, or just slapping them with whatever i could grab a hold on.. *heavy sigh!!!* i’m tired. i’ve been led to question God why He brought me here, what His plan is, or if His purpose for me here was accomplished.. I’ll never forget last August when i just locked myself up in my bedroom, fell flat on my face and just cried like a baby asking Him why and just begging Him for “more grace” after a very long day with some wicked students and destructive criticism from a colleague.. i honestly would’ve quit by then. After half an hour of crying and just pouring my heart out to Him, i played one of my favorite songs by the Heritage Singers, “Through the Fire,” which only had me crying some more.. So that was like, 5 months ago. In other words, God’s grace was indeed sufficient! I’m still here teaching and able to put up with the world’s worst students’ crap. The fact that i cannot yet speak their language gives me an excuse for not being able to share the gospel. However, God has given me life! and that leaves me with the task to share the gospel through my lifestyle.. Though these badass hard core gnarly students piss me off on purpose, i still hope i made a difference, that unlike the rest of the teachers, i don’t hit them on the head (it’s what thai teachers do), slap them with books on their backs, or anything like that. Instead, God has filled me with grace to smile at them, hold my flaring temper, and just move on to teaching them English though most of them (if not all), doesn’t care whatever the hell i’m saying or writing on the board.. It’s been a tough year for me, but somehow i wanna spend another year in this country after which i’ll be settling in Pinas to teach Values Education (which is really what i want), or if not, have a chance to go somewhere else.. I’m just really frustrated right now, but taking everything to the Lord just gave me a bit of a relief knowing that i was able to finish that class and later i’m gonna go home and eat another gallon of ice cream! whoooo!! *smiles* Thank U Jesus!